Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Lead Me Where My Trust is Without Borders

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior."

I love this song, "Oceans," by Hillsong. I've been playing it while I get ready in the morning and in the car (that is, when Ava lets me take a break from Disney Junior's wide selection of Choo Choo Soul and Pirate Rock songs). 

Yesterday, I began to think to myself, "They say this stanza over and over...like 6 times." But, of course, I sang along with it probably 36 times because I had it on repeat. Again in my car this morning, I was like, "Seriously, why is it repeated so many times?" (By now, you probably know that I don't believe in coincidences. I believe everything happens for a reason as God sees fit). And then it hit me. I was finally hearing God's still, small voice speaking to me....

Ben and I have been trying really hard to pay off student loans and other debts we have, but it has been a struggle so far. In addition to our typical monthly bills, we've had my unpaid maternity leave (which led to paying a month's worth of insurance) that has given us a slow start, plus multiple trips to the mechanic for both cars, and the Jeep still has issues.

And recently I have been feeling really frustrated and defeated thinking, "God, You know we are trying our best to get things paid off, but as soon as we get ready to payoff something, we are slammed with another huge bill. I just don't understand why we can't catch a break." Even now as I'm writing this, I'm emotional about it. Those who know me well, know that I like to do my best and failing is not something I like to do. This past month has brought about situations in my life, both at school and at home, that has made me feel like my hard work is getting me nowhere. 

However, here is what God made me realize today. I sang those words, "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders....wherever You would call me...(where) my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior," and I understood that this valley I'm in is where God has called me to be. He has brought me here to this point to make my faith stronger and to fully trust Him. God has a different plan for everyone, and I realized that this is where God wants me (yes, in the middle of all these trials) because He desires for me to rely completely on Him. 

I know I personally cannot solve all the issues in my life, but I know that my Savior can. He has never failed me, never given up on me, and never left me; and I know He never will. Satan has been trying really hard to bring me down lately by throwing these situations in my life, hoping that I will falter. But I pray that I will not. I am "casting my cares upon Him," because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7). I can't do this on my own, but God can take care of it all. I'm so thankful for the hope I have in the Lord and the grace He extends to me daily. He is my strength, my refuge, and my everything.